Scotch Whiskey

Scotch Whiskey
_{-Zack Jakubowsky}

"I've been weak and I've been strong.  I've been thru the fire and I've been thru the storm.  Try to do right and I know I do wrong.  Just be happy for me when my life is gone.  Cause with no more hurt and no more tears, there will be no more pain and no more fears.  No more people in my face that are not sincere.  So smile for me when I'm no longer here."
_{- Anonymous}





I sit atop a tall building, partially shrouded by the rolling clouds that constantly loom over the city protecting me from the sight of onlookers below. I sit here with my Scotch whiskey, 30 years old. I'm rather proud of it; shame it has to go. But under no better circumstances could it have been consumed by my thirsty self. I take a swig; I feel the warming sensation lapping away at the back of my throat as the rest of the mouthful drains downward. I set the bottle aside and rest my head in my hands. "What have I become?" I say, "What madness has taken hold of my very soul?" My pleas fall on deaf ears. "Why!? Why me!? What the fuck have I done to deserve this!?" I sob towards the clouded sky. Nothing. Not a single whisper of care, love, comfort, nothing. I look down at my left hand; my gold band resting on my ring finger, and I smile.

My wife never cared, you see. My wife just never had an ounce of love to begin with. She only wanted the money, the sex, the objects, everything. All the bullshit, the lies, it's just all so pathetic. I, being weak of mind, finally figured it out. Well, after she told me whilst leaving me to rot in my misery at "our" apartment, that is. She told me how she never cared about me and how I'm just a painful prick in her side. Oh, I showed her painful. I ran out of the room, tears in my eyes. I ran into my apartment kitchen and grabbed the heaviest skillet I had. My mind snapped; I couldn't see straight. All the bullshit that's been happening in my life, all the bullies that hurt me, all the sorrow that I had in my mind, the breaking back caused by my heavy heart, I had enough. I'm sick of it, sick of the lies, the insults, the pain, all of it. It's unbearable. My melancholy, in a matter of seconds, turned into a rage. With skillet in hand, I wandered into the main room of my apartment where my "wife" stood about to open the door.  I swung. Blood spattered against the door. It riddled my face in droplets and spray. I heard the sickening crack of her skull breaking. I smiled. I swung again, and again, and again until I lost count of how many times the skillet contacted her pathetic head. Her face and jaw broken and warped to the point where I couldn't even recognise her. Blood pooled on the floor around us. I dropped the skillet and put my hands to my blood soaked face. I laughed. She was so defenceless, and small, and WEAK! It was funny. Funny how I've been manipulated by this bitch for years, how I yearned for love when it was falsely given, how I gave her everything in vain, it's all just so fucking hysterical. I grabbed my scotch in celebration, and opened the door giving her one last kick to the head. Still laughing, I slowly wandered my way to the elevator, not realizing that I had left the door open and the blood free to flow into the carpeted hallway.

I'm on the roof now. I've realised that the rage that blinded me should have been within my control. I didn't mean to kill her. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. I finish the bottle of whiskey and toss it aside, shattering it on the door to the elevator. I can still see the blaring lights of the police cruisers and the ambulance through the clouds down below. I hear them trying to speak to me with their megaphone. My head hurts and I can't hear them. Maybe I should go say hello. I stand up, wipe my tears, and embrace death as I feel my legs give way beneath me. All of these emotions; the pain, the hate, the longing, the suffering, the depression, all of it will be gone soon. The air is rushing past me.

It feels nice.

I smile in my moment of tranquility before my inevitable death.

I feel nothing. I regret nothing. I stare up at the cloud veiled roof and shut my eyes.

"I'm finally free."